Ninety percent of the judging we do happens incognito – in our own heads. Very little of what we think about others makes it out in the open. Our judgments, the ones we think but don’t express, fill our minds and influence our interactions with others.
A simple thought like, “she’s overbearing,” can set the scene for situations where only certain outcomes are possible based on your preconceived notions. In a case like this you’re likely to leave your interactions with this person feeling “bore down upon.” And the person you think is overbearing is none the wiser.
When we judge others undercover, we end up the ones feeling the effects of our thoughts, not them. Those effects act like a poison creating stress and worry about how we get along with people. If we really had to be honest with others about what we think of them, would we be able to harbor secret thoughts like we do, or would it give us a chance to get responsible about where those thoughts and feelings are coming from?
Check your internal judgments – how are they leading your day to day actions with others? Who is really feeling the brunt of what you’re thinking?